Olympic Hangover

It's a little hard to believe that it has actually been three weeks since the close of the 2008 games. Just in time for the next three ring circus, the Presidential campaigning. But nearly a month after they've closed, we are just now starting to return to our lives as normal. Much of the news and controversies have dissipated, and everyone has gone back to their lives again, including the athletes. As with anything...I have a few thoughts to improve, or modernize the games. And if I ever become the commander of the world Olympic committee, I will push for these changes. How does that guy get his job anyway?

First of all, Michael Phelps. Six foot, four inches of muscle with hands the size of dinner plates, feet the size of scuba flippers, a long torso and relatively short legs. Oh yeah, and he's double jointed too. If he were any more perfectly designed as a swimmer, he'd have a blowhole on the top of his head. And while I don't know that I'd give him the title of greatest athlete of all time, I do admire what he's done for swimming and applaud his many many gold medals and world records.

While on the topic of world records, what was the deal with all the records being set and then not just broken, but obliterated the very next round? Did anyone measure that pool to make sure it was really the correct length? Either the athletes were stronger and faster this year, or the Chinese used some extra fast water to fill the pool.

Boxing, Judo, Tae Quan Do, Wrestling...I'm a guy, I like these things. You know what else I like? Combining them into one sport and call it Olympic Mixed Martial Arts. This would cut down on the number of events so we can actually see the events we want (more on that later) and bring the games into a new era. It can be argued that an MMA tournament would take longer than two weeks because the body cannot endure the physical drain of match after match. I didn't say it was a perfect plan, but one I'll continue to work on until I become Olympic Games Czar.

I know the Olympics will bring in new events from time to time, mostly at the request of the host country. I have an idea for a new team event and the next time it is on US soil, I say we ask for it. PAINTBALL!!!! Yes, I really did say that. Now tell me how cool that would be. The games were set up as a peaceful demonstration of athletic and fighting skills. How about paintball, there are tactics, strategies, easily created venues in either open air stadiums or in a field or wooded area. I think it's a great idea, but the first year, we'll probably hear about doping allegations.

Now, lets use our heads a little bit. Feel free to chime in on this one if you'd like because I know it is a touchy subject. I say we get rid of indoor 6 person team volleyball. Why? Because we already have beach volleyball and they wear swim suits! There is something for everyone to enjoy, be it Phil Dalhausser or Kerri Walsh. Great athletes, very talented and they look good. Hey, that's an idea, make it part fashion show too. Heaven's knows we need more drama mixed with our sports. And there just aren't enough judges involved. I'm also in favor of getting rid of international basketball and replacing it with inner city street ball. I'm tired of seeing professionals from all over the world, many of them in the NBA anyway, playing for their home countries. Lets reign it back in with something a little more accessible. Make the tryouts open to anyone, play shirts and skins with chains for nets and no referees. Now THAT would be a game to watch!

Never will I dream of denying the beauty and strength associated with gymnastics. They are all great athletes and deserve to be honored and to have an arena in which to compete. However, I do not, do NOT, DO NOT like any event that relies upon a judge for it's ranking. The NBC commentators said it themselves. The judges come from countries that are not competing in the event. This means the quality of judge is not of the same caliber as one from, say China, that is used to seeing elite gymnasts and knows how to properly score them. Why don't I like judges? The performance is up to the whim of a person, who lets face it, can be bribed. The first contestant judged will ALWAYS be at a disadvantage. Just because Shaun Johnson is quite muscular for her size and more powerful than her fellow competitors, why is it she can do a near perfect routine, but still get a low score? Because the judge doesn't think she looks graceful enough. And the king of them all, the judging requirements can change from season to season. For example, we can't do a perfect routine anymore? In fact, just ask Alicia Sacramone how perfect a vault needs to be. Apparently if you land on your knees, you win a medal, but if you land on your feet it's a deduction.

Yes, before you ask, I feel the same about diving, synchronized swimming, and any other event that doesn't have a score, time or distance associated with it. The Olympic motto has always been faster, higher, stronger. I don't see pretty in there at all. Don't get me wrong, they are all very strong talented people. Seeing a male gymnast on the rings is about the most awe inspiring thing there is. But I'm not sure I can honestly call what they do a sport if it needs someone other than the game itself to tell them how they did. Maybe make them exhibition events, or just call the World Championship good enough.

Which brings me to my promised point. Fewer events would be good. I only got to see twelve minutes of table tennis, no badminton, no triathlon, limited road cycling, no shooting, no archery, but you better believe we saw more synchronized diving than I need to see for a lifetime. It was on nearly every day. And it's cool to watch...for about three dives. Maybe the answer is that we actually have every broadcast company out there and everyone cover different sports, like they did back in 1988. Then we could get to see just about any event we wanted.

I can't wait for 2012 to see how many of my suggestions get implemented. But until that time, I guess I have to see who can dig the most dirt, and sling the most mud; McCain, or Obama.