Spilling my guts

I know that I have neglected this recently. The truth is that I’ve NOT been overly busy, I’ve NOT been depressed, nor do I have a good reason to not keep it more up to date. One question I frequently have is does anybody actually read this thing? So if no one is reading it, why am I bothering to post anything? Additionally, I have, like most everyone else, discovered the ease and beauty of Facebook. It is very easy to just put a quick note as to what I’m doing or thinking. I am given feedback by those who comment, and my need to share my life with people is satisfied. Also, it is nice for creating photo albums to share pictures. As much as I like the Google suite of utilities, it seems that they are slightly behind the curve and not as tightly integrated as those provided by other services. For example, I am becoming a fast believer in the Microsoft Live set of tools and hope to use them in the near future for a manuscript collaboration. I know, I know, Microsoft is the man, and my life’s mission has been to not let the man keep me under his thumb. The truth is, they’ve been around for thirty years and they are really starting to get a feel for what people need in this new era of computing. Now, if they can just keep the prices reasonable and continue offering some free services, such as office live, I feel they will once again occupy a happy place in my brain.

My birthday came and went with scarcely a mention on this space. This was a momentous birthday, and those who follow this blog, whoever you are, most likely missed my ‘turning 40 rant’ you were expecting. So what happened on this day? Very little. My family is not much for celebrating birthdays much anymore, and there has been a bit of family tension that I do not fully understand, so maybe it serves me right that this event come and go with little fanfare. I did get a card from my Aunt and Uncle, and a birthday email from my mother. I also got to spend some time with my parents the day after. But beyond that, it was just another Sunday. I would have liked to had a party, opened a gift, and been around the people I love. But this year, it just didn’t happen.

Now on the topic of friendship. Many of you know that I have many circles in my life. I have a general love for everyone, but within that sphere there is a group I will call acquaintances and coworkers. These are people I have met, work with or socially interact on a regular basis. I am kind and friendly with some joking, but mostly a professional demeanor. Within that group, there are people I consider friends. These are people I see and think about more than the others. These are people I would call for help, and would run to should the opportunity to assist them arrive. These are folks that I will share intimate meals with, open conversation and discussion and people I will borrow items from or lend items too. These are the people that regularly make me emotional. Either happy because of kind exchanges or sad because the exchanges have turned predominantly toward the negative. These are the people that inspire me on both ends of the spectrum and whom I feel blessed for knowing.

The centermost circle is who I would consider my best friends. These are people with whom I spend many hours of enjoyable time. People I miss when unable to see or hear from and people that I can honestly say that I love. These are the people that know me the best and are not afraid to care for me no matter how screwed up they think I am. While my ‘friend’ circle can include family friends, my best friend circle are those people with whom I share an exclusive relationship. These are MY friends, not my families friends. There are honestly not too many people in that circle. However, the membership seems to be very volatile as it appears that outside circumstances are taking people from me at an alarming rate. Few people attain membership to that group, but many seem to leave it. Anytime I get a close friend, it seems they find a better employment situation and move away. I won’t name names, because they know who they are. But I have moved friends all over the country, Texas, Pennsylvania, Washington DC, Washington State, Florida, Colorado, California by way of Oklahoma and in the near future; France.

It should be noted that I do not hold any animosity toward any of these people. They all did what was best for their professional and family prosperity. And I do keep in contact with them all as often as I am able. But I am very sad to see this last fellow move to Europe. He and I have been riding bikes together quite a bit this season and last. He has pushed me personally and physically, and encouraged me to give racing a try; if for no other reason than to add it to my list of life achievements. So, once the elbow heals up, I will be on the local bicycle race team for at least one year, maybe two. I’ll race, I’ll lose, but I will be out there doing what I can to fulfill a tiny part of my childhood aspirations. While young, he is quite perceptive and willing to listen. As we spoke while riding and in times at the local watering hole, we were able to discuss some of the more weighty issues in our lives. And while neither of us had all the answers to the others problems, we did at least get to talk, in a very open and non-threatening way. We knew that whatever was shared, would stay between us. We knew that no matter what was said, we would not be looked down upon by the other person. We have a respect for each other that is rare in this world of self centered instant gratification. And as he is pursuing his dream of racing professionally in Europe, I will be on the sidelines cheering him on, ringing the cowbell and being ever available to listen to his concerns, and share my life with him via the electronic media we have available. I look forward to the times when he will be back in the area and we can share a ride, or just meet for drinks at our favorite place.

I know I covered a lot of ground tonight, but sometimes when the fingers do the walkin, they start to run. So...there you have it. 92% of everything I'm thinking about today. The other 8%...well... a guy can't give away all his secrets can he?