Why do I take risks? Why do I try as many things as I can? Do I have some super human ability to laugh in the face of failure rather than fear it? No. I fear failure, just like everyone else. Do I fear the lack of effort? No, I rather enjoy my time spent scratching my potato chip littered belly while watching television. No, I fear Todd Oliver.
I've known him my whole life. He's been there every step of the way. Pushing me on, urging me to do and try and become as many things as possible. And through it all, he's been the instigator and camera man of every stupid thing I've ever done in my life. He's always had a macabre control over me that defies explanation. He tells me that he has a secret that he'll tell everyone if I don't do the things he tells me. I'm not sure what that could be.
We all have secrets, I'm smart enough to know that. We've all cheated, lied, stolen and left a rotting carcase where once a friend stood. We've all not been what we claim and resisted our moment to stand up for what we believe. But we all have that one secret that if revealed could shake our credibility, cost our friends if not our jobs and throw us into a life of misery. There are a few people that know all my secrets. But Todd Oliver claims to know one that hasn't been shared yet. He won't tell me what it is, but I believe him. Maybe there is something in there that I've not admitted to.
He tells me to do things that could embarrass or hurt me. I resist...but only for a moment. Then I give in to his whim. Meanwhile he laughs that sadistic chuckle and wiggles his fingers like a puppet master. I do whatever it is he suggests. Sometimes I succeed and laugh in that little twerp's face. But quite often I fail. It was in my last failure, running a 5K race in under 45 minutes where I realized that he liked it when I failed. Oddly enough, he liked it when I succeeded too. He was always eager to tell everyone of my conquest and tell my story to anyone that cared to tune in. But when I fail, he loves it! Those are the moments he lives for, and I finally know why.
I have a knack. When I fail, I fail with panache. I don't fear the failure, I fear the lack of style when I do. Sure, an octogenarian out ran me. But to her credit, she looked and acted much younger than her drivers license said. And when I crossed that line, I crossed it with gusto, running as fast as I could and pumping my fist in the air. The real failure was in not being with my wife while she struggled. And that was something that hit me like a ton of bricks. And that is what I mean about failing with style. Sure, I completed the race. But I wasn't available when I was needed.
The worst failure is the one you don't see coming. You think you win, but you really lose. I hate Todd Oliver. That little brat reminds me of every single minute failure, and how I did it in the most grandious fashion imaginable. Todd Oliver is a sadistic, mean spirited, tool of a man. I hate him. But he is my muse. It is at his urging that I write his very words. One day Todd Oliver...one day, your words are going to make me famous.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Sunday, April 6, 2008
My first 5K
Well gang, I finally did it. I ran a 5K. Some of you might know that I've been training to lose weight and participate in some charity bike rides. But I was challenged by someone at work, to whom the cause (colon cancer), was quite important. Being the supportive friend I am, I eagerly accepted the offer. In fact, my father also joined in on the fun. Shirley and Naiden were there too, but didn't have near as much fun. More on that later.
The air was a little brisk and the wind was a little more so than anyone in this house expected. It was in the low to mid 40s, but the wind...the wind would not be denied. So we dressed our little guy appropriately, or so we thought and headed to the course. We got there early so we could register, but found ourselves with a lot of free time while waiting for things to happen. And they finally did. The gun went off, and we launched out on our first 5K.
Things were actually going very well. I was walking beside Shirley who was pushing the stroller with Naiden, his diaper bag and a few bottles of water and some snacks. We are not big time walkers, but we have put on many miles before and 5K, while something we've never done as an event was a distance we had covered in the past quite handily. Thinking that all was well, Shirley gave me the go ahead to jog ahead if I'd like. So I did. Shortly after that, her problems began.
The course map for the event listed it as being a residential neighborhood with a few slight hills. What it did not say was that was only the first half mile. Breaking away from my wife and son, I was the first of us to see what would become a major problem: the first big hill. It was tough, but I did manage to walk up it, and I was sure that Shirley and Naiden would manage it as well. And they did. However, remember the wind and the cold I mentioned? Well, about the time they got to that hill, both became a little too much for Naiden. Even though we had a blanket wrapped around him in the stroller, we had thought winter was over and forgot to bring his mittens. He was getting cold and restless in the stroller. So Shirley did the only thing she could and that was spring him from the stroller and let him walk behind. That worked until he wanted picked up. So she was carrying him and trying to push the stroller at the same time. Me, being the bad husband I am, was probably a quarter mile away and didn't know anything about her plight.
After the race, Dad and I went back to find Shirley and she was even behind the trailing vehicle. Crying and carrying a fussy toddler, she promised she would never do this again. So we got everyone back to the shelter and had some food. She never officially finished the race, since she didn't cross the line, but after some time to cool down, we made some ground rules. 1) She would only do another 5K if it was flat. 2) If a course map was not available, we would drive around the area to determine if she wanted to do the race. 3) I would stay with her if she was pushing the stroller. (truth be told, I probably would have finished in about the same time if we had stuck together) In the end, she didn't hate the 5K, or me, it was more a function of the cold, the wind and the slightly flat course we had to navigate that soured her first experience. The weather, combined with our lack of preparation and the shifting temperament of a 20 month old made for a bad first race, but now we know the kinds of things that can go wrong and have built another checklist for the next time.
How did we do? Well, my time was 46:12. Not bad for my first 5K and doing no training outside of cycling. My friend that got me into this mess in the first place was 15 minutes ahead of me at 31:28. Father was only 2 minutes ahead of my at 44:10. And the 86 year old lady was only 45 seconds faster than me! I came in 145/213 overall and 6/9 in my age group.
I was sore the next day...and the day after that....and even into the next day. The pounding of the road, even with brand new running shoes was something this old body hadn't felt in a long time. So I've incorporated running into my workouts in hopes to build my endurance for the long bike tour as well as compete in a few more 5Ks throughout the year. Besides, maybe it will help me lose some of that back fat.
The air was a little brisk and the wind was a little more so than anyone in this house expected. It was in the low to mid 40s, but the wind...the wind would not be denied. So we dressed our little guy appropriately, or so we thought and headed to the course. We got there early so we could register, but found ourselves with a lot of free time while waiting for things to happen. And they finally did. The gun went off, and we launched out on our first 5K.
Things were actually going very well. I was walking beside Shirley who was pushing the stroller with Naiden, his diaper bag and a few bottles of water and some snacks. We are not big time walkers, but we have put on many miles before and 5K, while something we've never done as an event was a distance we had covered in the past quite handily. Thinking that all was well, Shirley gave me the go ahead to jog ahead if I'd like. So I did. Shortly after that, her problems began.
The course map for the event listed it as being a residential neighborhood with a few slight hills. What it did not say was that was only the first half mile. Breaking away from my wife and son, I was the first of us to see what would become a major problem: the first big hill. It was tough, but I did manage to walk up it, and I was sure that Shirley and Naiden would manage it as well. And they did. However, remember the wind and the cold I mentioned? Well, about the time they got to that hill, both became a little too much for Naiden. Even though we had a blanket wrapped around him in the stroller, we had thought winter was over and forgot to bring his mittens. He was getting cold and restless in the stroller. So Shirley did the only thing she could and that was spring him from the stroller and let him walk behind. That worked until he wanted picked up. So she was carrying him and trying to push the stroller at the same time. Me, being the bad husband I am, was probably a quarter mile away and didn't know anything about her plight.
After the race, Dad and I went back to find Shirley and she was even behind the trailing vehicle. Crying and carrying a fussy toddler, she promised she would never do this again. So we got everyone back to the shelter and had some food. She never officially finished the race, since she didn't cross the line, but after some time to cool down, we made some ground rules. 1) She would only do another 5K if it was flat. 2) If a course map was not available, we would drive around the area to determine if she wanted to do the race. 3) I would stay with her if she was pushing the stroller. (truth be told, I probably would have finished in about the same time if we had stuck together) In the end, she didn't hate the 5K, or me, it was more a function of the cold, the wind and the slightly flat course we had to navigate that soured her first experience. The weather, combined with our lack of preparation and the shifting temperament of a 20 month old made for a bad first race, but now we know the kinds of things that can go wrong and have built another checklist for the next time.
How did we do? Well, my time was 46:12. Not bad for my first 5K and doing no training outside of cycling. My friend that got me into this mess in the first place was 15 minutes ahead of me at 31:28. Father was only 2 minutes ahead of my at 44:10. And the 86 year old lady was only 45 seconds faster than me! I came in 145/213 overall and 6/9 in my age group.
I was sore the next day...and the day after that....and even into the next day. The pounding of the road, even with brand new running shoes was something this old body hadn't felt in a long time. So I've incorporated running into my workouts in hopes to build my endurance for the long bike tour as well as compete in a few more 5Ks throughout the year. Besides, maybe it will help me lose some of that back fat.
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