Why I hate Todd Oliver

Why do I take risks? Why do I try as many things as I can? Do I have some super human ability to laugh in the face of failure rather than fear it? No. I fear failure, just like everyone else. Do I fear the lack of effort? No, I rather enjoy my time spent scratching my potato chip littered belly while watching television. No, I fear Todd Oliver.

I've known him my whole life. He's been there every step of the way. Pushing me on, urging me to do and try and become as many things as possible. And through it all, he's been the instigator and camera man of every stupid thing I've ever done in my life. He's always had a macabre control over me that defies explanation. He tells me that he has a secret that he'll tell everyone if I don't do the things he tells me. I'm not sure what that could be.

We all have secrets, I'm smart enough to know that. We've all cheated, lied, stolen and left a rotting carcase where once a friend stood. We've all not been what we claim and resisted our moment to stand up for what we believe. But we all have that one secret that if revealed could shake our credibility, cost our friends if not our jobs and throw us into a life of misery. There are a few people that know all my secrets. But Todd Oliver claims to know one that hasn't been shared yet. He won't tell me what it is, but I believe him. Maybe there is something in there that I've not admitted to.

He tells me to do things that could embarrass or hurt me. I resist...but only for a moment. Then I give in to his whim. Meanwhile he laughs that sadistic chuckle and wiggles his fingers like a puppet master. I do whatever it is he suggests. Sometimes I succeed and laugh in that little twerp's face. But quite often I fail. It was in my last failure, running a 5K race in under 45 minutes where I realized that he liked it when I failed. Oddly enough, he liked it when I succeeded too. He was always eager to tell everyone of my conquest and tell my story to anyone that cared to tune in. But when I fail, he loves it! Those are the moments he lives for, and I finally know why.

I have a knack. When I fail, I fail with panache. I don't fear the failure, I fear the lack of style when I do. Sure, an octogenarian out ran me. But to her credit, she looked and acted much younger than her drivers license said. And when I crossed that line, I crossed it with gusto, running as fast as I could and pumping my fist in the air. The real failure was in not being with my wife while she struggled. And that was something that hit me like a ton of bricks. And that is what I mean about failing with style. Sure, I completed the race. But I wasn't available when I was needed.

The worst failure is the one you don't see coming. You think you win, but you really lose. I hate Todd Oliver. That little brat reminds me of every single minute failure, and how I did it in the most grandious fashion imaginable. Todd Oliver is a sadistic, mean spirited, tool of a man. I hate him. But he is my muse. It is at his urging that I write his very words. One day Todd Oliver...one day, your words are going to make me famous.